The Reality of Holiday Loneliness and Depression
By Dr. Mary Starr Carter
While the holiday season is a joyous time of the year for many it can also be the worst time of the year for some. Instead of “I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus”, it may turn out to be like one of the book’s title written by Ann Hodgman called I saw mommy kicking Santa Claus!
There are many reasons why depression and loneliness are part of the holidays. The loss of job, missing a loved one, divorce or coping with an illness. All of these losses can bring grief instead of joy.
The loss of a spouse, parent, grandparent, child or good friend:
Losing a loved one means an empty seat at the special dinner and probably a missing link to the whole celebration. Many times the holiday season will have to take on a new direction and tradition. It is difficult to celebrate the season as before. Some people feel better by visiting the cemetery, lighting a special candle or journaling about it.
No matter how it is done, the truth is, emptiness and loneliness will still exist. The only way to cope is to have someone to talk to and embrace the sadness instead of dwelling deeper into depression or loneliness.
Maybe take a break from the old tradition. Keeping yourself busy throughout the holiday season by donating your time at a food bank, getting a seasonal job in retail, taking a cruise with a friend, or visit a relative out of state during the holiday instead of being at home. Break away from routine and familiarity and surround yourself with friends and family.
Your sadness may still be there but you may get great joy out of helping others and making them happy.
The loss of a job:
Losing a job means there is uncertainty and maybe a lack of funds for holiday giving and days ahead. It may be time to cut down on expenses and evaluate on the style of gift giving.
Friends of mind lost their sole income in October several years ago and were destitute by Christmas. Although their basics needs were paid for there was no money for gifts. They gave the kids beautifully wrapped boxes with a whole in the top. All year long they would write down any time God blessed them or something good happened in their life and the following year they would open them. Although the kids were not thrilled at first the boxes became a huge reminder of gratitude and blessing. The family was blessed over and over that year and the following Christmas they loved opening their boxes and reading all the good things that happened to them the following year.
Divorce or children moving out:
Through the years we have created memories with our spouse and children. A divorce or children moving away with their own families can leave you with loneliness and misery. Just like losing a loved one be sure to fill your time with things you love, caring for others or caring for yourself.
Military family with loved ones serving overseas:
During the holiday season a military spouse may struggle with challenges of loneliness, fear and worry. They have to do everything to create a happy holiday celebration for the children without their spouse. That burden is a very difficult one and should not be carried alone. If possible ask for help from your family and friends with anything you need. Join support groups and seek out help if you need it.
Feelings of loss and loneliness can be very dark place to stay. Using essential oils can help uplift your moods during those lonely times and throughout the year.
One of my favorite essential oils is Joy. Joy inhaled more than 10 times a day or diffused several times a day in your environment can truly improve your outlook. See when you inhale a pure therapeutic essential oil like Young Living’s Joy oil it goes directly to the part of the brain called your limbic center or “emotion center”. Inhalation therapy is one of the quickest ways to change your “stinking thinking”.
Here is Peggy Nederlof story about Joy oil.
Last year I experienced depression and felt comatose. It was so unlike me. I heard about the blend Joy and started to palm inhalate it. Within 10 minutes I started to feel better. I continued to use Joy multiple times during the day, and within 2-3 days, I felt as though I could take action and move away from my depression. It was very powerful.
I then started to use Valor every morning on my feet and added that to my routine of breathing in Joy. After a week, I felt so much more balanced that I no longer felt depressed or needed to use Joy as much. Valor is now my go-to oil to start my day.
Finally, dealing with grief, loss, and loneliness, does take some courage to face the day. I agree with Peggy starting your day with Valor is a great way to start and end your day as well as use throughout the day if you need it.
Take 3-6 drops of Valor (depending on the size of your feet) and rub the oil on your feet and hold there for a minute. Do the same thing for your shoulders and chest . Follow with Joy….. aghhh I just took a break while writing this and not only do I feel clearer in my thinking but definitely uplifted too!
Try it and see what you think. Remember if you feel you have a serious depression or feelings of suicide please seek competent medical advise, if you don’t feel like you are getting answers keep searching.
We look forward to hearing your stories. Please leave your comments below.
Dr. Mary Starr Carter is known as the Total Wellness Doc. She has been training individuals about Natural Health Solutions for over 13 years. She is trained as a Chiropractor and has studied under the world’s foremost leaders in natural medicine. She is a mother and a wife and has created a balanced and total wellness life for herself and thousands of her clients using her simple wholistic approach to health and wellness. Her coaching, classes and ebooks help clients with Fibromyalgia, Hormone and Adrenal issues, Asthma, Diabetes, Weight problems, Thyroid and Chronic pain find resources and solutions to better health.
We publish newsletters and blogposts twice a week for our readers for general education purposes only. We cover topics that are related to achieving and maintaining total wellness which includes our emotional, physical, spiritual and financial health.
Because I lost my mother Dec 15,2002, I now make sure I do one thing to honor her love of Christmas and one work of charity to honor her life. This has helped me not spiral into sadness when I miss her most.
This should be the most joy-est time of the year but for the reasons that you mentioned, our spirits become sad and over taken by the things surrounding us. In October a bout of depression came over me and I couldn’t function, didn’t want to be around anybody. On the third morning, my husband had left his Frankincense on the bathroom vanity that he was using for skin cancers and I put a drop in my hand and inhaled it, within 20 minutes the depression lifted………I inhaled it several times that day.
Thanks for the information on Joy oil, I just opened mine that I got as a promotion from Young Living several months ago and will be using it everyday.
I can very much relate to this “lonely” feeling and I have a family. I am so blessed in this way. I can certainly attest to the power of the JOY oil. Somehow(I know it is science) it has an uplifting quality that gives me the feeling that EVERYTHING is absolutely alright right where I am now. Valor is an oil that once used on the feet, the change is very subtle yet so VERY POWERFUL. A person almost has to use it and then stop using it to see the HUGE difference. You forget how you felt before using it. Love my Valor and JOY!
Sometimes we can just have expectations that Christmas Day doesn’t live up to. My friend and I are planning to visit a nursing home in the next few weeks to visit with those who don’t have family. I think we’ll wear these oils there and at family holiday gatherings this year!
Wow, thank you everyone for sharing. I think that wearing our oils during the holidays and like you said Amity while visiting those who may be sad this year will be great.
–“Sometimes, besides the loss of a loved one, all the expectations can be overwhelming, gifts to buy, people to visit, meals to cook. Add the stress of a family member being end stage illness and it is a perfect mix of depression and tummy troubles. Thanks for the advice Dr. Mary, I will be using my oils all this month.”
Its good for me to remember, as my oils are on “display” on my coffee table with some Christmas greenery, pine cones, and other decor, that these oils we so much LOVE, are a Gift in themselves. We are so grateful for them, yet, we must remember to be thankful for the One who has given them to us in the first place. A gift from the original Giver of the Gift of LIFE itself!! Lets give ourselves (and others too) but first, the chance to accept these oils from Him, created by the Creator Himself, the Creator of His Son Jesus Christ~ who is the reason we have to celebrate at all- during this season and all year long. The Gift of Life itself, on this earth, and for eternity with Him.
Life is so precious and I am greatful for all the wonderful memories. It will be those memories that carry me through..along with my oils.
Dr. Mary, you are such a tremendous resource! I loved this article and I am sharing!